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About Deviant MaggieFemale/United States Group :iconawesome-r-us: Awesome-R-Us
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Deviant for 7 Years
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Sometimes I am sad
Like a sailor that lost his ship to the sea
Hoping for still waves
In a body of
:iconrememberxixlovexyou:rememberxixlovexyou 0 0
Mature content
dirt :iconrememberxixlovexyou:rememberxixlovexyou 0 6
Where Heaven Lies
Stars sprinkle across the sky, bouncing souls on to the crystal jello beneath it,
Whipping and winding with the moon;
Heaven whistling, God conducting.
Leaning over the band of blue, stretching cities and continents long,
I lean to the fish and wonder aloud,
'Who is your God?'
Waves fall in constant, drowning my words in a sea of rhyme,
Air pressure and water pressure wrestling for peer's divine,
And I,
like consciousness dripping through worlds colliding,
Frolicking in the youth of moonlight, splashing in the clouds of the sea,
I wonder if Atlantis saw Heaven dancing.
:iconrememberxixlovexyou:rememberxixlovexyou 7 5
Infatuated by rememberxixlovexyou Infatuated :iconrememberxixlovexyou:rememberxixlovexyou 1 9
I threw my heart against the wall,
After I spent endless nights preparing it for you;
It shattered into a thousand fucking pieces,
Last to know that I was romancing remains,
While you disappeared, not in body but in love.
:iconrememberxixlovexyou:rememberxixlovexyou 8 0
Erase This
Notebook names and bleeding ink on the page
Our first kiss came like a bullet  from the gage
Silencing me when my voice longs to reach new volumes,
Barely slipping the note that my lips longed for you,
Our whispers echoed through the heart of me,
Swelled with the blissful idea of you next to me...
Is it so improbable that I wanted to belong to you?
Steel hands lock like chains around my wrist pulling me through,
Holding my breath as I fade into the idea of us,
Squinting my eyes shut as our future turns to slum and disgust,
Suddenly I'm empty and naked and your full of her finger prints,
My eyes awaken to a knife pierced deep into my innocence...
My wrists clutched by sweaty palms, as something to do on the weekend…
Pencil scrawling my final words of 'I love you...' a letter not to send.
And these faint walls pour inward towards me, covered with graffiti in your lazy scrawl...
Your vanity and lies and flickering interest...
My bones begin to crack under the tumbling walls
:iconrememberxixlovexyou:rememberxixlovexyou 0 0
Whatever by rememberxixlovexyou Whatever :iconrememberxixlovexyou:rememberxixlovexyou 13 9 The Mystery Of The Sand by rememberxixlovexyou The Mystery Of The Sand :iconrememberxixlovexyou:rememberxixlovexyou 3 0 Rose by rememberxixlovexyou Rose :iconrememberxixlovexyou:rememberxixlovexyou 5 1 Rotten by rememberxixlovexyou Rotten :iconrememberxixlovexyou:rememberxixlovexyou 4 8
I wonder if you felt out of time, or if you felt time at all?
Defeated, but you appeared so whole.
A casket contradiction, rosy cheeks on a frostbit baby.
I envision you soaring… But never breaking ground.
Your peach body swallowed by the earth.
But we're burying this girl in our hearts.
:iconrememberxixlovexyou:rememberxixlovexyou 2 0
Summer Nights
These tears rolling down my cheeks were never falling stars,
Never meant for you to linger on, beyond the distance of the fire,
The heat of the moment, a dwindling flame of innocence,
A lingering high, polluting our method of getting through the day,
A vague shadow of smoke in our lungs, a salty memory of summer nights.
:iconrememberxixlovexyou:rememberxixlovexyou 1 0
Body of fire.
Warm on my neck.
And spreads down my back.
And trickling from the fingers that course my mind in circles…
And on my lips, the warmth breaks in and steals my breath…
And I can't breathe at all.
And your hands reach for me,
Your palms grip my heart, and you mold it.
As your fingers push down, I fall…
As my heart shapes up I think…
And as the colors start to communicate with one other, I see…
And my  thoughts are everywhere;
Twirling and scattered and running and jumping and exploding….
Your speaking and I'm trying so hard to listen…
All around me my thoughts seem to textuilize themselves, and  from the corners of my eyes thoughts in slanted font go by, chasing each other around the room…
I'm dizzy, and its warm, I notice.
And the voice in my head is so loud I swear you can hear it too.
And my heart pounds so hard in your hands, I swear you can feel it too.
The guilt makes me naueous and I can feel my mistake throug
:iconrememberxixlovexyou:rememberxixlovexyou 1 17
Pupils widen; absorbing the violence striking down like lightning,
Hands shoved into chests of those fighting, whistles and booming men,
A silent choir of rightness screaming from flowing banners,
Passion uprising in family's fingertips, flags rose proudly,
An electric current igniting the nerves of a passionate girl,
Flooding out of her mouth, in a war cry for peace.
:iconrememberxixlovexyou:rememberxixlovexyou 6 7
Field by rememberxixlovexyou Field :iconrememberxixlovexyou:rememberxixlovexyou 3 4
Running, heart pounding, Wingtips splashing in the muddy gravel,
Away from the service on a stormy day, after one last embrace with the closed casket.
Not metaphoric to any disposition that swims through our oceans; just a girl in a casket.
Graced by Heaven, a living sky; and she wasn't mine per say, nor another's,
But as I entered those doors, I was graced with the impact of a hundred pairs of invisible arms,
Sending chills down my spine. And each angel cried.
Because she wasn't a metaphor, she was real.
Running, searching for a taste as sweet as her,
But nothing is as sweet as her, she's gone.
:iconrememberxixlovexyou:rememberxixlovexyou 9 8


Adventure Time Cult by ShawnCoss Adventure Time Cult :iconshawncoss:ShawnCoss 410 22 Titty Splash by ShawnCoss Titty Splash :iconshawncoss:ShawnCoss 229 17 Even Demons Love by ShawnCoss Even Demons Love :iconshawncoss:ShawnCoss 1,070 59 Creeptree by ShawnCoss Creeptree :iconshawncoss:ShawnCoss 491 22 Spilt coffee and ink sketch by ShawnCoss Spilt coffee and ink sketch :iconshawncoss:ShawnCoss 172 10 The Nurse by UndercoverEnvy The Nurse :iconundercoverenvy:UndercoverEnvy 93 22 Pyramid Head by UndercoverEnvy Pyramid Head :iconundercoverenvy:UndercoverEnvy 118 26 Sally by UndercoverEnvy Sally :iconundercoverenvy:UndercoverEnvy 255 29 We're Simply Meant To Be by UndercoverEnvy We're Simply Meant To Be :iconundercoverenvy:UndercoverEnvy 241 20 I Sense There's Something In The Wind by UndercoverEnvy I Sense There's Something In The Wind :iconundercoverenvy:UndercoverEnvy 254 36 Paper Towns and The Fault in Our Stars by Ambrosial-Wolf Paper Towns and The Fault in Our Stars :iconambrosial-wolf:Ambrosial-Wolf 45 6
I'm Not the Marrying Kind
I'm not the marrying kind.

I have stones in my hair instead of flowers,
And a rosebush of thorns is more poignant to me.

I'm not the marrying kind.

My words aren't pretty or wise,
And I can't sing about anything but a broken heart.

I'm not the marrying kind.

I am the sort of damaged you see in an old recorder,
And the kind of old in an instrument that breaks into a billion pieces at a touch.

I'm not the marrying kind.

Neither neat, nor tidy, nor correct in my behavior,
And yes, I did in fact tell you to fuck yourself.

I'm not the marrying kind.

I do not stay silent in arguments,

And I like to lie compulsively, just to see your face change.

I'm not the marrying kind.

I am not the ideal of any lady, nor her likes,

And I do not allow any man to walk all over me.

No. I am not the marrying kind.

But I do like the idea of a little girl with her mo
:iconuntamedunwanted:UntamedUnwanted 1,393 424
All Star by NayeliNeria All Star :iconnayelineria:NayeliNeria 29 0 Till Heaven touches Earth. by NorthtoAlaska Till Heaven touches Earth. :iconnorthtoalaska:NorthtoAlaska 4 0 Nurse by UndercoverEnvy Nurse :iconundercoverenvy:UndercoverEnvy 119 21 another dream. .... by light-from-Emirates another dream. .... :iconlight-from-emirates:light-from-Emirates 2,087 103





rememberxixlovexyou's Profile Picture
I told you I would let you know which girl won the game of hot potato, my heart being the potato. Two days before I wrote that last journal, I had spoken to Kate for the first time. I thought nothing of it. 

She had a girlfriend, you know. And she lives in Colorado, while I live in Chicago.

We spoke for a few months, she became my best friend. She and her girlfriend broke up. One night in late August, "I love you" threatened to fall from my lips.

On September 12th of 2014, her two friends and her pulled into my driveway after driving all night. She came to see me. She stood shaking in the darkness before sitting on the ground to have a cigarette. I was able to get a short hug just before she fell to nervousness. We kissed for the first time in the car. I want to make sure I don't forget when I kissed her ear and held her hand. I might want to forget that someday but not right now, and right now is forever. She was an amazing kisser. She had a panicked look on her face. We had sex and it was really good. I asked her for consent and she said nobody had ever asked her that before. I made sure to ask her every single time that followed.

I snuck her into my room the next night. She had on a cookie monster onesie. That is a detail I often forget.  Her and I made love and she orgasmed. It was very nice. She pulled down my pants and looked at me with love. She licked my pussy like she loved me. I held her like a baby, we slept with the light on.

That morning I told her I loved her. She said it back. We said goodbye in my kitchen and it hurt but I was so tough. I didn't know if I would ever see her again. It would be four months until I did.

In January we laid backwards, naked, in my bed and unwrapped Christmas presents. We slept and she woke me up crying, wondering if I only loved her from far away. Little does she know I am writing this journal right now, about how much I fucking loved her. I tickled her until she wheezed. I kissed her so much. Little does she know I love her from far away only because I can't have her close to me.

We would meet several more times, she would meet my family, I met hers, we spent Easter and my birthday together.

We made such beautiful love. If I could have bought her flowers that never died, I certainly would have. We had dirty sex and happy sex and moaning, loud sex and soft quiet sex and I have never felt closer to another human being. 

I said I love you every day for a very, very long time. 

It got really hard to watch her struggle to love herself. I was growing more and more in love. I wore her promise ring on my finger and dreams the distance between us would evaporate so that the promise ring might turn into a wedding ring. When she tried to kill herself the first time, I told her I couldn't watch that happen again. She would work, and then stop working, be okay and then get so low. She made so many promises of moving to Chicago and moving in with me. I had to see that I was apart of the reason she was having such a hard time progressing. We started fighting and the distance was growing, exceeding our usual thousand miles. 

We broke up. And in her sadness and self destruction and pain, she fucked another girl, and a picture of them holding one another made it onto facebook. I saw it one of the many nights she begged for me back.

I was trying to save her. I was trying to save myself. Our love was so beautiful and so very impossible. She is so unhealthy. And she is hurting herself and hurting me. 

She dyed her hair pink and I like the way it matches her brain.

I want her to get healthy and come back and fufil all her promises. I am learning that while I want that, it is up to her to learn to love herself as I love her, because no matter how I tried I cannot give her that. I fucking love that girl so fucking much. She is my angel. I just hope and pray that she can find the inspiration in herself and us and me and the world to keep her beautiful little feet on the ground. She broke my heart and I am so angry but I love her. I love her. I can't stop loving her. I don't want to stop. I want to kiss her wounds and protect her from herself and destroy the distance between us and replace it with trust and love. 

I want her back, but more than anything I want her to be happy and healthy. If my universe broke in half she would flow into me like water flowing into a sinking ship. I am heavy with love for my Kate.


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chasingxaimee Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2014  Student Writer
Thanks for the watch! :)
GraphicsFix Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist

deviantART muro drawing Comment Drawing
rememberxixlovexyou Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013
I love it... That is fantastic!
GraphicsFix Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
any time :D
Ambrosial-Wolf Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you very much for the fave!
NayeliNeria Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2012
Thanks for the :+fav: :glomp: [link]
QuestionableWhimsy Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2012  Student
Thanks for the favorite, dearie!
rememberxixlovexyou Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2012
opportune-moment Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Student General Artist
hey, thankyou so much for the fave!! :happybounce:
rememberxixlovexyou Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
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